you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
