get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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