Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
