We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
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My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
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We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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