I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
