I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
