If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
