well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
