she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
