dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Someone signed my nipple.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
