that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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