I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
