You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
