We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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