ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
