You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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