bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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