Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
