I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
