There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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