you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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