This is not my ceiling
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
