And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
my shit smells like andre
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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