I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
