I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
