I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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