I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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