my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
