If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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