I just cut my nipple shaving
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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