She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
