Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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