You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
