YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
