I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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