Swine flu. Run for my life!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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