Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
