I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
