Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
