I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
