Im at strip club and am horny
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Randomize
