dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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