And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Randomize
