i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
