i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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