omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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