I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
