ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
