Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
