Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
