I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
