I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
