please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
