Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
