worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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