i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
