i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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