Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
