i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
