i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
