i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just invented taco cereal.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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