so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Actions speak louder than pants.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
