Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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