we're blogging at a bar
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
